"It wasn't the ideal journey nor the desired destination. It wasn't my plan, but it was part of His.
In the lack and limits, in the exhaustion of endless days and the everyday, He wills for me to not just survive but to thrive, to know Him.
Jesus finds His way into the inconvenient parts of our life. He rarely waits for our preparation or perfection.
And even when I lack obedience, He is so good that He often takes simple compliance as partnership.
The miracle is His; I receive it. I co-labor and bear it. When it's fully realized, I may very well bless the burden, the journey, the inconvenience that was my privilege to endure.
Ultimately, everything hinges on presence. Ideally mine but always His.
It's what, it's who, is at the center and makes us His."
(I stole the above idea from a friend that had written something similar about the Holy Family at Advent and made it my own but I want to give him credit for the inspiration. Thanks Joe!)
Those above sentences sum up my journey so far in this life. From the beginning my life has not been ideal and I may not be exactly where I want to be or where I pictured I'd be at this time in my life. But I really believe it is God’s plan (cue the Drake song).
Many say I started out life already behind and already at a disadvantage, I think it is in the lack and in the limits that I was blessed and given not only a way to be equal but maybe even an advantage. I was able to rely fully on God. I was shown that God is able to do things that no human can do, He can heal in places and ways that we can’t even fathom. He will mend us and bring us back from the brink time and time again because He loves us.
It has been 30 years since my heart transplant. Today is 30 years! My parents were told I wouldn’t live a year when I was born, I was told that a transplant patient’s average life expectancy was 10 years! A little over a year ago, September 2022 I was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer, I am still here! Not because of me, but because of Him; He wills it. In the exhaustion, in the endless days of going through pain, stress over countless little things that in the long run don’t really matter, He is there. He wills me to thrive, He wills me to grow closer to Him. Jesus always finds to be with us in our ugliness in our pain. It’s never a convenient time but He is always there. He came to restore us and to bring peace and healing to us and He has done this time and again for me.
The miracle has always been His, He has always been the one that gets the glory and the blame for me still being around. I may be the one who is stubborn and who takes the treatment, but He is the one who pulls me through and tells me Talitha Koum (Little girl, arise!) I receive it, sometimes not so gracefully but always gratefully! And now that I am taking time to reflect on this past year and most especially the past 30 years I do bless the burden and the privilege. I give thanks for the opportunity to grow closer to Him and to witness His mercy and healing.
This past year with chemo and radiation treatments, I was pretty healthy throughout all of it until towards the end when I received the larger treatments, but even then it wasn’t that bad for me. I learned so many lessons, had a few losses but am thankful for His presence and His healing. The past 30 years have also been a huge blessing. A young lady gave her life so that I could live, and I try everyday to not take that for granted; to celebrate not only her life but mine as well. I have been able to do so much, see so much because of that gift. God allowed me to have this extra time and I will forever be thankful for every extra moment I get.
This lent I am going to focus on my presence, to Him, to me and to others. He is always present, I should be too. It may have taken me 30 years to learn this lesson, but at least I'm starting to catch on.
I want to thank all my friends and family for your love and prayers through the years. I am grateful for all you teach me. I pray you all feel God’s presence every day but especially when things are difficult, and I hope you all know how much you mean to me!
